I am lazy. Why? I don’t know.

I am ambitious, although it doesn’t show.

My dreams differ from my reality, Can’t tell you why.

I see my vision before me, begging me to try.

I promise I will. I convince myself  it will be.

But here I am. Resting, sleeping, yeah that’s me.

One day I will wake up, my mind will run free.

Clarity will visit. It waits patiently. Hoping I will see.

Eventually I will resurface, emerging from the fog.

The dust of questions will settle and clear.

I will be energized, destiny is destiny, get rid of the fear.   

I did something the other day to help push me in the right direction. I took another writing class. This is an advanced course that will help with the completion of my novel. I want to be the person I envision myself to be. Not the person I am. Who is the person I envision? I see a go-getter, a girl who knows what she wants and then finds a way to get it. I know I am that girl, but I am also another girl, the daydreamer. The girl who looks out the window and fantasizes about what she wishes she could do. The older I become the clearer it is. Those hopes of a fool’s paradise are tangible if I utilize my time properly. I tend to waste time thinking about having a published novel rather than working hard to make sure my novel is published. I write everyday, probably a thousand words or more. If I took all the words I wrote for one month and added them to the novel I have started it might be finished. I stand in my way and I think it’s time I step aside. I fear failure but I fear success just as much. A wise person once said if you want something done do it yourself. I know there is no one out there that will walk up to me and say “Hey I heard you wanted to write a novel, tell me what you want it to be about and I will write it for you.” And if there was a person that offered to do that I would turn them down. It’s like stealing the answers from the kid next to you. You might get a good grade but you don’t get satisfaction or a sense of accomplishment. I want the good grade and know I studied very hard and earned it. I am who I am but it’s  I who could change me.  

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