I love how so many mother’s in the blogging world came up with catchy names for themselves. You have Writer Mama, Tired Mama, Overworked Mama and many more. I asked myself -What catchy name would you call yourself in reference to motherhood. Some brilliant ideas floated through my mind but after yesterday and the incident from last week’s Mommy and Me I came up with my perfect name. I am… Decorated Mama. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain. I am not crafty, at least not in a conventional way. I am not known for my decor techniques (Believe it or not-my husband is better at that then me). My decorations are not bought and most likely would not be willingly copied. They are decorations that adorn my wardrobe and are always unintended. Whether it is an inconvenient splat, which was yesterday’s decoration or an embarrassing rip that I become aware of while standing amongst a group of people I can guarantee that I am always decorated. My girlfriend calls it Wardrobe Confession; she came up with this clever title after hearing my umpteenth excuse of why there was a stain, rip, drip, or missing button somewhere on my clothing. I try to keep up with fashion I really do, but I have come to accept that as polished as I try to look there is always something lurking, waiting to be seen. I am beginning to think there are invisible elves working very hard at making their selves laugh at my expense. After last week’s episode with the unzipped zipper flapping in the wind I thought that would be it for a while. I was wrong. My two-year old loves to pour the liquid into the dishwasher-which is exactly why I started buying those handy little tablets you just pop in and forget about. I couldn’t pass up the great sale on the liquid this week so instead of my child friendly tablets I opted for the liquid. Yesterday she insisted on filling up the dishwasher. At first I stood behind her proudly. Pride turned to panic as I watched her squirt it all over the door. I quickly grabbed it from her, or should I say wrestled it out of her hands. After enduring a half hour temper tantrum I was relieved when she finally stopped crying.  Because, Decorated Mama was desperate, I bribed her. I promised I would lay on the couch with her and watch Barney. While watching Barney we both dozed off and I couldn’t have been happier. That was, until I realized it was time to pick up my other two children from school. I jumped from the couch, my eyes were sticky and blurred because I fell asleep with my contacts in. The only thing I had time to do was squirt some saline solution in my eyes to moisten them and then I was off. As I was putting the car in park I happened to glance down. Splattered across my left thigh was what looked like white paint. I was confused; I had no idea what it could be. I looked over to my right leg and there it was again. Keep in mind I was wearing black pants. I sat in the car motionless thinking what am I going to do? I can’t go back home, they are being left out any minute. I did what any woman would do in my shoes. I licked my finger and frantically tried to rub the white goop away with spit. It wasn’t working. I had to suck it up and go wait for my kids decorated in …Dishwashing Liquid.  I walked up to the other mothers smiled and went into Wardrobe Confession.

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