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Today is one year ago that my father passed away. Not one day has gone by that I haven’t thought about him. I will miss that man forever and wish that other people have the chance in life to meet someone as extraordinary as that man.
I wrote a poem for him.

It has been a year but in our hearts you remain
Time heals wounds but doesn’t lessen the pain

You were a man that so many aspired to be
We were blessed to be part of your family

There were so many things that made you unique
A giant smile, a genuine laugh, an honest critique

A man of virtue who eloquently guided his clan
A man God sought out to follow his plan

Heaven’s gain, unfortunately was our disaster
We were left behind. We lost our master

No one will ever replace the man you became
Even a sunny day will never be the same

All the riches couldn’t buy the happiness you supplied
Our lives forever changed the day that you died

Until we meet again, our sweet, kind, loving man
Save us a spot on the other side
If you can

Reflections and Recollections stir in my mind
What I am searching for, I cannot seem to find

A day, a year, a second, they have all gone away
If only a thought could invite a memory to stay

I would dance longer, hug tighter and recognize
That everything worth loving meets its demise

One of my most embarrassing moments happened at a roller skate rink when I was about eleven-years old. Tonight, twenty some years later, I had another experience that will forever make me cringe. Or maybe laugh out loud.
Let’s rewind a bit and go back to the first occurrence. I was an overweight pre-teen doing to the best I could to look graceful on a pair of roller skates. It was a school sponsored event and everyone was there. I was zipping around, noticing a group of very good looking teenagers huddled together at one of the side resting places when I felt myself lose control. I desperately tried to regain my balance as I flew across the floor toward the very good looking teenagers. “Please don’t fall into them,” I repeated to myself.
They frantically waved their arms screaming, “No!”
I plowed into them like a bowling ball. They were struck down one by one by the overweight chick on skates. I am certain at least one of them never forgot that night.
Tonight I was at a roller rink with my children for a birthday party. My husband, being the sport that he is laced up. He took the three oldest out while I stayed back with my ten month old. I pushed her stroller over to an indoor picnic table and attempted to sit down. Immediately, I realized I misjudged where the seat was in relation to where my ass was. One cheek grazed the edge of the bench and I felt myself losing balance. I desperately tried to stabilize myself. I spun around and tripped over my own feet and slammed against the floor. Directly in front of me was no other than a group of teenage boys. So, if you suddenly find a you-tube video of a mother falling flat on her face at a roller rink, chances are it is me.
To think, I wasn’t even wearing skates.

Today wraps up Poetry month. I had fun writing poems but I will be the first to admit I have much more to learn when it comes to writing poetry. Still, I gave it my best shot. The prompt for the last day of poems over at Poetic Asides was Farewell.

To bid farewell to someone or something is not always easy and sometimes heartbreaking. Everything that lives must die. But everything that dies does not need to be forgotten.

Memento Mori

Chats on the backyard swing
Smoking under the train bridge
Sunday dinners at noon
Life is passing by

Laughing at an inside joke
Cookouts in the country
Walks along the railroad tracks
Days forever gone. Why?

Curfews and crazy days
Sitting on the front porch
Loving for the first time
Everything born must die

Farewell to all things loved
Cherished memories will remain
In my dreams, you all resurface
One day, together we will fly.

Happy Earth Day! I intended on posting this early this morning, but as usual the day went by too quick.
The older I get, the more I appreciate our Earth. When you are young, (at least when I was) you take the Earth for granted. If you live in an area filled with mountains (which I do) they eventually become invisible unless you make it a point for them not to. This is the sort of thing I have been making a conscious effort to not do lately. I want to take a moment to cherish the beauty in the mountains, breathe in a breath of fresh air, and marvel at the blue sky.
Appreciating our Earth on a daily basis will change the way you look at life. I recall my father saying “It’s good to be alive.” He loved a beautiful day and never let one pass without recognizing how lucky he was to see nature at its best.

Wake up. Take in the view. Open a window and enjoy what you have today because tomorrow it can be taken away.

April is poetry month. I am not a poet but I do like to dabble in poetry once in a while. The novice poet that I am thought that to have a good poem you must rhyme, but after seeing many poems, I realize that is completely wrong. A good poet conveys emotions through words and tells you a story without writing a book. I stumbled upon the Poetic Asides blog and noticed that for the month of April, they are encouraging poets and non poets to write a poem a day.
Each day, a prompt is given and you are to write a poem based on the prompt. I will share the one I wrote regarding something missing.
This is our first Easter without my father. It was actually this time last year that he let us know that he wasn’t feeling right. Last Easter we would have never guessed that within three months he would be gone. Tomorrow we will paint Easter Eggs with the kids as we always do on Good Friday. But this year my father won’t be sitting at the head of the table painting his famous egg.

The Egg

The colors are lovely but not as lovely as before
Sadness hides behind the delicate smiles.

The children excitedly paint their masterpieces
The energy of love lost encircles the room
One by one the eggs are placed inside the basket
Silence pours through, suddenly we are aware
The polka-dot egg is missing, his masterpiece
The basket is full but our hearts are empty

Did you ever look forward to getting a few moments to yourself and then you get a glimpse of your sleeping child and wished they were awake?
Don’t call me crazy just yet; I know there are many mothers reading this yelling at me saying “What”?
I can’t help it; I get a twinge of sadness and reflect upon the day every time my children fall asleep. I ask myself if there was more I could have done throughout the day to be a better mother. I whisper their name and hope they respond and then when they do, I ask myself if I was sure that I wanted to wake them up?
You want a moment to yourself and then when you get it, you feel guilty for enjoying it.
I see my children getting older right in front of my eyes and realize that life is slipping by too fast.

When my daughter was in first grade she struggled with going to school. She was assigned a very outspoken teacher and was intimidated by her. We would encourage her each day and assure her that she would be fine and that Mommy would be there to pick her up right after school. We thought of some creative ideas to help her get through the day. The one that she liked the most was receiving tiny letters inside her lunch box. She told me that it made her happy to see a letter from me. So of course, I would scribble something simple with each lunch. As time went by she decided that she didn’t want one everyday because she liked the surprise of receiving one. So, per her request I cut down on the letters and would send maybe one or two a week and eventually I forgot all about them. Not that I forgot about her but she seemed to outgrow the need for them. Plus, my son entered kindergarten, my second daughter entered pre-school and I gave birth to my fourth child. Mornings were now much more hectic and honestly all I could think about was getting them to school on time. Which unfortunately meant less time to write a letter. Eventually the letters became a thing of the past and I think we both forgot about them. And when we did remember it was on a weekend and then forgotten again by the start of the week.
This past week, I woke up unusually early one morning and got a head start on my a.m. responsibilities. A test of my son’s was laid out on the bar for me to sign. When I opened the junk drawer to get a pen, I saw my scribble pad and I remembered the notes. I jotted a quick note to my daughter and tucked it into her lunch bag.
I forgot about the note and she never mentioned it until later that evening. So far, we have a great relationship and she is the type of little girl that tells me all about her day. She came in to kiss me goodnight and said, “Mom, today I got into a fight with my best friend.” The sadness in her eyes tugged at my heart and I remembered how that felt to fight with your best friend. She explained the story in full detail and I ached for her when she told me she felt so sad (her words exactly) because another little girl was not talking to her either. It all happened before lunch. “Mom, I was so sad until I opened my lunch box and saw your note and then I felt happy again.”
Something made me write the letter that day, I couldn’t have predicted that it would be received at the perfect time but it was. She needed a friend that day and my letter let her know that she would forever have one in me.

If you are a mother, chances are you have visited Chuck E. Cheese play palace. Perhaps you even had your child’s birthday party there. I have visited the giant play plaza too many times to count in the past few months, enough times to know that Chuck E. as cute as he is and as much as my children love him is no friend to me.
The majority of my visits to Chuck E. Cheese have been to celebrate a birthday. I am very familiar with the long tables filled of children and the two booths behind them that are meant to accommodate ten or more adults, which as you can guess is absolutely impossible.
More often than not I have found myself standing at the head of the children’s table hoping that I look like I belong there. As luck always has it, my children are on the opposite end of the table screaming for me. Off I go, weaving my way between a sea of parents, attempting to reach my child only to be told never mind the second I do.
Despite the fact my teeth are clenched I force a smile and make my way back to the spot I gave up and quickly notice another parent standing there. Inching back toward the adults my body becomes wedged between a side booth and a chair. A train of people standing behind the giant Chuck E. rush toward me encouraging me to hop on the human train. By some luck I manage to break away and find myself standing way too close to a parent I don’t know but can tell by the look in their eyes that they are just as uncomfortable with the sudden closeness.
The cake part of the day ends and the real fun begins. There is nothing like chasing after your child through an arcade, especially if you have more than one child and they are racing in opposite directions. My favorite part is watching helplessly as my three-year old screams for me to come rescue her out of a jungle-gym much too small and intricate for my shape. I do like the picture booth where for a token you can get a sketch of you and your child, but unfortunately when I sat down to take ours I was greeted with an Out of Paper notice.
Chuck E.’s best gift is received a few days after you get home. Long after the tokens have been spent, the cake eaten and the candles blown out something arrives in an unsightly package that you can share with others… the flu.

I love Pink! Maybe it’s because we share a birthday or maybe I like her edginess. She is cool, and her voice stands out. She doesn’t follow the crowd, she seems to be comfortable in her own skin and I always admire a person who is confident with whom they are.
I chose her song “Who Knew,” this week. Sometimes Life and the relationships in our life are taken for granted. We assume that tomorrow will bring more of the same and won’t change all that much. But once in a while, a hiccup occurs and everything we knew to be is no longer the way it was. And we look back and think I would have never thought my life would end up the way it has.

Happy Friday!

Who Knew lyrics

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you’d be around
Uh huh
That’s right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That’s right

If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I’d give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
‘fore they’re long gone
I guess I just didn’t know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I’ll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won’t forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong and
That last kiss
I’ll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

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