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Remember every choice has a consequence. You may kid yourself by convincing yourself that a bad choice feels right. The bad choices are the easiest ones to make. It’s the right choices that feels like work.

You can fool some people but there are others who will always know your true intentions. Often, they are the ones that keep quiet.

Don’t fool yourself, you are not fooling them.

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Tonight friends and I engaged in a deep conversation about relationships. Everyone has had relationships that they needed to end for one reason or another. After listening to many different stories I came up with a conclusion. If you see a quality that you hate to love about yourself inside someone else maybe it’s best you choose to let that person go before you become the worst that you could be.

I have been thinking of the word Strength and what it means to me. Strength is much more than having the physical ability to move or lift things. Strength comes from all places even dark ones. Everyone has moments in their life that they wish they could change or do over. Moments that we are not proud of, periods that we were lost and roads we wished we didn’t take. What some don’t realize is it is in these times that strength appears and is ours for the taking. No one is perfect and no one’s closet is free of skeletons and that is okay.

Every choice we make, every road we take leads us to where we were meant to be. Sometimes bad things have to happen in order for us to grow and learn. If you allow your mistakes to hold your mind captive you will forever be a prisoner and serve a life sentence.

Today is the day, get up and rise from your ashes and start a new beginning. It’s never too late to become the person you always wanted to be. Take the skeletons from your closet and dig them a grave, they are just bones, you are the substance! 

The skeletons were just clutter sitting upon your strength.

He burst through the front door holding a melting candy bar in the shape of bat wings.
“I won, I won”, he shouted. He was so excited that he was oblivious to the chocolate dripping through the cracks of his fingers. “We won five-thousand bucks and a trip to New York City.” My heart flipped, I too, became excited.

“Slow down, tell me from the beginning,” I instructed.

My son explained that he opened up his Kit Kat bar and found that it was in the shape of bat wings. All we had to do was take his picture holding the candy bar, send it in and then cash in on our prize. I had no reason not to believe him. Even my older daughter and nephew agreed to what he was saying. After all, he was with my husband when he purchased the candy bar. If it wasn’t true then surely my husband would have told him so. He found the golden ticket and was prepared to celebrate. I could remember being young and thinking that I would win the cereal box give away. Even though my father tried to explain that, the odds were against me I could not help but think I would be the lucky one.
Standing in the living room with my chocolate-coated son, I was hopeful and envisioning him receiving the five-thousand dollars. Then reality came through the front door. “I told you that you did not win, “my husband declared.
“His Kit Kat has wings,” I argued.
“They all do, it’s a promotion for the new Batman movie.” He looked at me with a bit of disbelief. The smile from my son’s face flipped and was now a frown. His head hung low, tears filled his eyes and the thrill from his face faded. I tried to comfort him. His innocence was endearing and my heart melted like the chocolate bar he held in his hand. When you are a child, anything is possible. Dreams are supposed to come true, Batman is real and winning is likely despite the odds. Kit Kat’s slogan is Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar, that day a piece of my son’s innocence was broken off and unfortunately it will not be the last piece.

The best thing you can do to make sure you remember a moment, a day, a year, or a lifetime is take pictures. There is nothing like flipping through photographs. As many of you know, I lost my father recently. Every time I find a new picture of him, a surge runs through my body and I feel comforted. When the pictures were taken, I knew one day I would appreciate them. I love that I can still see his smile and feel his essence. I never realized what kind eyes he had until now. His windows to his soul were welcoming and I now understand why so many were drawn to him.

Take time to grab a camera. Capture life as it is happening so the moments you and your loved ones created, can be remembered.

 

 I know my posts lately have been in relation to my father’s death. I am grieving and for the first time in life I have really been effected by the absence of someone so close to me. Be patient with me, writing about moments with him will get me through this time of grief.

This week’s Friday’s Song is Father and Daughter by Paul Simon. I love Paul Simon’s voice, whatever song it is that he is singing, soars through my soul.

 

 

 

Father and Daughter -Lyrics

 

If you leap awake
In the mirror of a bad dream
And for a fraction of a second
You cant remember where you are
Just open your window
And follow your memory upstream
To the meadow in the mountain
Where we counted every falling star

I believe the light that shines on you
Will shine on you forever
And though I cant guarantee
Theres nothing scary hiding under your bed
Im gonna stand guard
Like a postcard of a Golden Retriever
And never leave till I leave you
With a sweet dream in your head

Im gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So youll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you

Trust your intuition
Its just like going fishing
You cast your line
And hope you get a bite
But you dont need to waste your time
Worrying about the market place
Try to help the human race
Struggling to survive its harshest night

Im gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So youll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you

Im gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So youll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you

 

I watched intently as he held out his large black hand. He looked at the girl and she knew. She knew he offered her love and protection. She would be safe with him no matter what. No one would ever harm her as long as he was around.

In a blink of an eye, the one who gave the girl a sense of security was gone, never to return. Did he know his time was coming? Could he sense her love for him? Was he scared? If he was he did not show it, perhaps it was another form of protection, emotional instead of physical.

Tears flooded my cheeks and my body trembled with sadness as I watched the giant ape fall from the sky. His eyes searched one last time for the one he so adored. His eyes scanned the crowd until they locked with hers. No words were spoken but I knew they said goodbye.

I was five years old; I cried and cried and cried when King Kong died

Twenty seven years later King Kong was making a return to the box office and I told my father we were going to go. I assured myself that this time I was not going to cry. I was not that little girl anymore. As I watched the large beast fall quickly from the sky my heart moved into my throat and I could feel my eyes begin to swell from tears. I lost control of my emotions, I wasn’t crying, I was blubbering. What was it about this beast that tugged at the strings of my heart?

I drifted off to sleep with King Kong on my mind. It saddened me tremendously to think that he was gone. When I awoke he was still in my thoughts and I decided it was time to try and figure out what his hold on me was.

King Kong is a Soul Story, a tale about two beings connecting without words and having an understanding of each other without needing to verbalize it.

What in my life represented that same tale? A soft voice whispered into my mind-“Your father.” It began to make sense, to me King Kong symbolized my daddy. My father was large in stature, but gentle, he was my protector, the one person I knew would never let me down. He said the words many times but I didn’t need to hear them to know he loved me and would die for me or any of his children if it ever came to that. He was a man that could command fear from the ugliest of people, but he never actually did any harm. Knowing this, I felt safe, just like the girl King Kong loved. When he fell from the building her security blanket fell too. No one could ever take his place.

I came to this realization years ago, long before my father died. Though I knew the day would eventually come, there was something about him that made me believe he was invincible and could never be taken down.

I will forever mourn the loss of my father but I’m thankful to have had one as great as him. King Kong fell from the building but his soul rose to a higher more magnificent place. My Kong may have left me in life but will forever remain in my heart.

 

MY FATHER DIED ON 6-8-08 AT 2:15 IN THE MORNING. I AM HAVING A VERY DIFFICULT TIME DEALING WITH HIS DEATH. I LOVED THAT MAN SO MUCH AND WAS VERY PROUD TO SAY HE WAS MY FATHER. I WAS HUMBLED TO SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE HE TOUCHED THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE. ROUGHLY 1000 PEOPLE SHOWED UP AT HIS VIEWING. MY FATHER WAS GENUINE, FUNNY, DEPENDABLE, WISE AND SUPER INTELLIGENT. HE WOULD COMMENT ON MY BLOGS AND EVEN PARTICIPATED IN A THURSDAY THIRTEEN. I AM ALSO DEVASTATED THAT HE DIED WITHOUT SEEING MY FOURTH CHILD WHICH WILL BE HERE ANY DAY NOW.
HIS DEATH AS HARD AS IT WAS FOR MY FAMILY AND I WAS BEAUTIFUL AND ONE DAY I WILL WRITE ABOUT IT. TODAY, I AM POSTING THE POEM I WROTE FOR HIM AFTER HIS DEATH.

DADDY,

Who will I be without you and who will guide me through?

There is no one to replace my Kong, he was only you.

I tried to be unselfish and release your soul to fly

But what I really wanted was for you to never die.

I will hear your words of wisdom gently whispered in my ear

I will feel your warmth surround me and know that you are near.

I will pass on your stories to your grandchildren with pride

I will be at peace knowing you are forever at my side

I will cherish simplicity and never ask for much more

I will try to follow your footsteps so I can reach the same door.

I saw you enter paradise and the excitement you had

I was surprised at how happy I was and not really all that sad.

The six of us released you to the people you longed to see

In the end, I know you will be there to welcome us, your cherished family.

My daughter knows I am always entering writing contests. I want my children to believe that whatever they put their mind to they can achieve. Rejections for me are notches under my belt, proof that I have been putting myself out there. Sometimes even the most optimistic person can become discouraged. Last night, my daughter asked me if I won the contest. She was referring to a small contest I entered about embarrassing moments in motherhood.

“No, I don’t think I won,” I responded. I always try to portray myself as having a large amount of confidence, because I think children become self-reliant when they have parents that exude confidence. Last night, I slipped and gave her a glimpse of me lacking belief in myself.

“Mommy will probably never really get anywhere with her writing,” I said. The answer she gave me opened my eyes and snapped me out of the self-pity party I was throwing.

“How do you know? Your life has not ended yet!” Her words made me rethink, regroup, and refocus.  Life is not predictable, sometimes when we think nothing will happen something happens. Thanks to the wise words of my seven-year-old, her confidence renewed my thoughts and slapped me back into reality. Nothing in life worth obtaining should be that easy. Giving up will only make it certain that whatever you wanted to happen, won’t.

Thirteen Things about YOUR NAMEMy previous post talked about the premature death of Heath Ledger. This Thursday I have decided to write about thirteen celebrities that died too young. It’s a darker Thursday Thirteen this week for me but it’s what’s been on my mind. It’s unfortunate that drugs played a role in many of these young stars deaths.

If you are interested in more details regarding these celebrities visit Wikipedia.com

1… River Phoenix (Famous movies included, Stand by Me and Running on Empty. -two of my favorites) River was born 8-23-70 and died 10-31-93. Cause of death, speedball (heroin and cocaine) overdose.

2… Chris Farley (Famous for appearing on Saturday Night Live) I loved his skit Fat man in a little coat. He was born 2-15-64 and died 12-18-97. Cause of death, speedball overdose. We named our dog after Farley. He was a hilarious comedian.

3…John Lennon (Member of the Beatles) I loved his song Woman and Imagine- He was born 10-9-40 and died 12-8-80. He was murdered in front of his home.

4…Cass Elliot (Aka Mama Cass-member of The Mama’s and Papa’s) I love her voice! She was born 9-19-41 and died 7-29-74. Cause of death, heart attack. Rumors circled around that she died choking on a ham sandwich but they are said to be false.

5… Jayne Mansfield-(Actress)-mother to Mariska Hargitay(Law and Order) She was born on 4-19-33 and died 6-29-67. Cause of death, car crash.

6… Elvis Presley- (Cultural Icon) everyone knows who Elvis was. I still love the song “I can’t help falling in love with you.” He was born 1-8-35 and died 8-16-77. Cause of death, heart attack.

7… Aliyah- (R&B singer). Beautiful, beautiful girl. She was born on 1-16-79 and died 8-25-2001. Cause of death, plane crash.

8… John Belushi (Comedic actor-Member of Saturday Night Live’s cast and starred in Animal House.) He was born 1-24-49 and died 3-5-82. Cause of death. speedballs.

9… James Dean (Famous for starring in Rebel without a Cause.) An absolutely gorgeous man! He was born 2-8-31 and died 9-30-55. Cause of death, car crash.

10… Janis Joplin (Music Icon) I love a lot of her songs, especially Piece of My Heart. She was born 1-19-43 and died 10-4-1970. Cause of death, drug overdose.

11… Marilyn Monroe (Actress/Sex symbol) Her most identifiable trademarks were her blonde hair, white dress and beauty mark. She was born 6-1-26 and died 8-5-62. Cause of death ruled as “Probable suicide.” Many conspiracy theories floated around this one.

12… Gilda Radner (Another Saturday Night Live cast member) Wildly funny! She was born 6-28-46 and died 5-20-89. Cause of death, ovarian cancer.

13… Ottis Redding (Sang-Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay) 9-9-41 and died 12-10-67. Cause of death, plane crash.

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